Mugshot Fail

Rodney Stanger, seen here in an undated mugshot photo, is considered armed and dangerous. If you have seen Rodney Stanger or know of his whereabouts, please do not attempt to feed him gerbil kibble or get him to run in a small wheel for hours on end. Call 911 immediately and back away from the cage.

Rodney Stanger is wanted for questioning in the disappearance of Molly Bish who disappeared 8 years ago from her lifeguarding position at a pond somewhere. He is also wanted for failure to pay child support in 42 states involving 528 kids fathered with 51 separate women. He’s also suspected in a botched felching incident gone terribly wrong. Rodney would prefer you didn’t light that match, champ. Armageddon indeed.

Again, Rodney Stanger should be considered armed and dangerous though he may also be covered in third degree burns after said felching incident. If you have seen Rodney Stanger, especially if you have seen him during a nightly newscast, please try to keep your composure and call 911.

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