Abominations of Nature

Typically, anything with that descriptor is hyperbole designed to incite specific responses.  For example, if I say that a three-way between two women and a horse is an abomination of nature that God will surely punish, that’s clearly just a sign of my bias against alternative expressions of sexuality and an exhibition of my closeted kinks.

However, Whataburger’s making sweet tea with some horrific synthetic sweetener like Splenda is truly an affront to all that is pure and holy as laid down in the specific sections of Revelations related to making sweet tea.  God clearly understood the southern tradition and would never stand for such blasphemy.  Sweet tea is made from sugar, preferably in a glass pot on the porch for 3-4 hours on a sunny day.  Any other means of “sweet tea” creation truly deserves to be struck down by the mighty sword of Truth.

In other Whataburger news, the new BBQ Ranch Whatachicken is mouthgasmic, its 720 calories and 37 grams of fat, notwithstanding.   Sweet Mercy.

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